No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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