I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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