I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
We left an ass print on the piano.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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