is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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