There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize