I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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