How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize