mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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