you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
