if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
