Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
