I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
