This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
