i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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