3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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