Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
