he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
