I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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