I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
it's like iHOP with fire
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
