Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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