Don't you send me to vm
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
