Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
