I just made out with a guy for $7.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
