Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
