He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
