I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
