Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize