if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
