drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Randomize