Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
