Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
