I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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