I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
