The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
