I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
