He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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