Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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