i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
