eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
