ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
