Me. At least after what I've been through.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
