Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
