I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
