wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
