tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
As shirtless as possible
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
