you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
