HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
