I saw his package. It spoke to me.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
