I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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