Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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