I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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