i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
