so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
