what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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