Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
