I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
