I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
