just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
