A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Someone shattered a urinal.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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