Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
