she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
