I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
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