I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
