I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
