I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
