then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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