i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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