last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
