I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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