It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
