Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
