that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
