We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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