I want to have your abortion
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
