After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
