I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
