We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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