Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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