I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize