in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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