Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
