onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
