With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
