Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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