My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
