I cannot find my penis.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
