remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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