I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
MIDGETS
????
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
