Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
