there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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