their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
