I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
