did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You're breaking my sexual little heart
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize