the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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