So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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