Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
