I am puke
you traded sex for a burrito?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
